I remember the very first time that we kissed.
You were on my front porch, I was in my door way.
It was winter of 04'.
"I love you" was the first thing you ever said to me.
I could say it to your face now, and then I could kiss you, it's not just over the phone anymore.
The look in your eyes was indescribable, and that beautiful smile you wore ear to ear, made me realize that I didn't know it was possible to even be that happy...
I'll never forget that moment, no matter how old and decrepit my mind becomes.
I remember it like it was yesterday, and when I close my eyes, it's like I can still smell your perfume...
I also remember the day that you said goodbye,
It was fall 08'.
We were standing in my backroom, arms in a mess around each other.
As hard as I fought, the tears won out, and I couldn't help but cry.
You reached up to wipe my tears away, and I smiled...
But honestly, it felt like my heart was being ripped out through my throat.
And with that, you grabbed your keys and headed out the back door.
I caught up just as you were opening the door, and you turned with tears clouding your eyes and simply said...
"Baby, I have to go..."
"Stay strong for me, please? This isn't goodbye, we'll be together again, I promise..."
The words came out slowly, in between the waves of tears.
You stood on your tip-toes to look right into my eyes...
"...I love you so much, I'm so sorry, But I-I-I-I have to go now."
"I-I-I love you too, babydoll.."
I've got my arms wrapped around you, and you've got yours around me,
An embrace that I never want to end.
You squeezed me tight, one last time, then you pulled away.
With my eyes soaked and shut tight, we kiss one last time, with the taste of tears embedded on both of our lips....
I never want this to end.
As we broke the kiss that I wanted to last forever, you slid into the drivers seat and started the car.
"I can't stay any longer, I have to go baby..."
For the most part, I fought the tears and won, but a few slipped out to run down my cheek...
"Please don't cry," you said to me.
I watched you put the car in reverse, so I knew it was time...
So I leaned in to kiss you one more time,
You had your window rolled down, so I pushed your door shut for you...
And as soon as the door slammed shut, you started to back up.
"I LOVE YOU!!"
But you were already out of the drive way.
As you backed out, it felt like you ripped my heart out and drug it down the road behind you.
September 7th, 2008 -- one of the worst days of my life.
But you know what?
I'll always love you, you'll always hold a special place in my heart.
Whether it's 2014 or 2113,
My love will always be there.
I miss you.
But more importantly -
I love you, always and forever, +3D.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
About A Fallen Angel...
She came to me,
Beaten, bloody, and bruised.
Oh.My.God.
What happened?
Through split lips and broken teeth, a barely audible whisper escaped...
"They kept me from flying free, they kept saying they had to destroy an angel, they had to destroy something beautiful..."
And I watched a tear form in her almost swollen shut black and bruised eye.
She tried to speak again, so I leaned in closer, to try and catch the whisper...
With tears streaming from the corners of her eyes, to the corners of her mouth,
She slowly said..."They - They - They took -- my --wings..."
And she slowly turned around, to show me the two bloody stumps.
The stumps where her wings used to be..
It took everything in me to fight the tears.
"Come on, lets get you inside and cleaned up," and all she could do was nod.
I draped a blanket across her shoulder so she could get warm,
Then headed off to start her a hot bath.
Once I had the water ran, I helped her undress, then helped her in..
After she was in, I left her alone to relax, I was only gone for twenty minutes...
When I came to check on her, I found her face down in a pool of bloody water,
With my straight razor on the floor...
Why God? WHY?!
She knew she'd never survive, being confined to the ground...
So she did the only thing she could.
She took her own life that night.
I'm so sorry, angel.
I don't understand how people could destroy someone so beautiful.
How could they be so heartless?
I just pray she finds comfort and peace, wherever she goes...
At least she's not suffering anymore.
Rest in Paradise, my angel.
You'll be forever missed.
Gone, but never forgotten....
Beaten, bloody, and bruised.
Oh.My.God.
What happened?
Through split lips and broken teeth, a barely audible whisper escaped...
"They kept me from flying free, they kept saying they had to destroy an angel, they had to destroy something beautiful..."
And I watched a tear form in her almost swollen shut black and bruised eye.
She tried to speak again, so I leaned in closer, to try and catch the whisper...
With tears streaming from the corners of her eyes, to the corners of her mouth,
She slowly said..."They - They - They took -- my --wings..."
And she slowly turned around, to show me the two bloody stumps.
The stumps where her wings used to be..
It took everything in me to fight the tears.
"Come on, lets get you inside and cleaned up," and all she could do was nod.
I draped a blanket across her shoulder so she could get warm,
Then headed off to start her a hot bath.
Once I had the water ran, I helped her undress, then helped her in..
After she was in, I left her alone to relax, I was only gone for twenty minutes...
When I came to check on her, I found her face down in a pool of bloody water,
With my straight razor on the floor...
Why God? WHY?!
She knew she'd never survive, being confined to the ground...
So she did the only thing she could.
She took her own life that night.
I'm so sorry, angel.
I don't understand how people could destroy someone so beautiful.
How could they be so heartless?
I just pray she finds comfort and peace, wherever she goes...
At least she's not suffering anymore.
Rest in Paradise, my angel.
You'll be forever missed.
Gone, but never forgotten....
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
One Day.
Maybe. I hope. But, what more can I do. I never thought it'd be, I never thought we'd even say hello again. But, here we are. Who knows what time and the future will bring.
The Heat or the Cold....?
Anymore, I can't really stomach this heat.
Or maybe it's the cold weather that makes my spine shiver.
To be honest, I can't really tell anymore.
Nothing's felt the same since you left.
I miss you.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night...
I'll jump awake, because I was dreaming of you.
And when I look around,
I still search for you for those first few seconds..
Until I remember.
You're gone.
I can't explain the way it makes me feel.
The emptiness.
The ache.
The want.
Sometimes, when I close my eyes,
It feels like I've caught a faint scent of your perfume.
I'll never forget that smell.
The way it would absorb into everything around you.
The pillows, blankets, sheets...
...My heart.
When you left, I didn't wash my pillowcases for a month,
Because there was a piece of you left behind.
I could bury my face in my pillows,
And be taken back to when you slept beside me.
What I'd give to have one night.
One conversation.
One heart to heart,
Even if it only lasted five or ten minutes.
Just one more moment.
One more moment with you.
I'd trade it all away,
I'd give it all up.
Just to see those eyes, that smile, the way your lips part and your tongue lashed out.
I'd give anything and everything,
For that one moment...
Maybe one day.
Maybe it's only a dream away.
And for once, I'm praying that this dream comes true.
Regardless of how long it's been, or what's gone down, I'll never be able to deny the fact, that..
....Everyday, I still love and miss you...
Or maybe it's the cold weather that makes my spine shiver.
To be honest, I can't really tell anymore.
Nothing's felt the same since you left.
I miss you.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night...
I'll jump awake, because I was dreaming of you.
And when I look around,
I still search for you for those first few seconds..
Until I remember.
You're gone.
I can't explain the way it makes me feel.
The emptiness.
The ache.
The want.
Sometimes, when I close my eyes,
It feels like I've caught a faint scent of your perfume.
I'll never forget that smell.
The way it would absorb into everything around you.
The pillows, blankets, sheets...
...My heart.
When you left, I didn't wash my pillowcases for a month,
Because there was a piece of you left behind.
I could bury my face in my pillows,
And be taken back to when you slept beside me.
What I'd give to have one night.
One conversation.
One heart to heart,
Even if it only lasted five or ten minutes.
Just one more moment.
One more moment with you.
I'd trade it all away,
I'd give it all up.
Just to see those eyes, that smile, the way your lips part and your tongue lashed out.
I'd give anything and everything,
For that one moment...
Maybe one day.
Maybe it's only a dream away.
And for once, I'm praying that this dream comes true.
Regardless of how long it's been, or what's gone down, I'll never be able to deny the fact, that..
....Everyday, I still love and miss you...
Monday, September 27, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Never Forgotten.
It's been two years and some change,
Since the last time we said goodbye.
It's been over a year since I last felt the touch that I longed for.
And somewhere deep inside of me,
The scent of you still lingers.
I've never stopped,
I've never forgot.
I just tried to get away the best I could.
It may have worked for a minute or two,
But it never lasted for the long haul.
I can still hear a song, and instantly be reminded of you.
I've got the notebooks to prove it.
And two years later,
I've got the lines scribbled that let me remember.
Even to the present,
I'll never forget the past.
I'll never forget what you showed me,
What you taught me.
I'll never forget the...
Love.
Touch.
Affection.
Care.
I'll never forget you.
----------------
Now playing: Comeback Kid - Wake The Dead
via FoxyTunes
Since the last time we said goodbye.
It's been over a year since I last felt the touch that I longed for.
And somewhere deep inside of me,
The scent of you still lingers.
I've never stopped,
I've never forgot.
I just tried to get away the best I could.
It may have worked for a minute or two,
But it never lasted for the long haul.
I can still hear a song, and instantly be reminded of you.
I've got the notebooks to prove it.
And two years later,
I've got the lines scribbled that let me remember.
Even to the present,
I'll never forget the past.
I'll never forget what you showed me,
What you taught me.
I'll never forget the...
Love.
Touch.
Affection.
Care.
I'll never forget you.
----------------
Now playing: Comeback Kid - Wake The Dead
via FoxyTunes
Saturday, September 18, 2010
What Is....?
Someone asked me to write a piece about what I thought love is. What it really is. So, here we go;
Love is the feeling you get inside your chest,
Where it tightens up, and you find it hard to breathe.
Or maybe it's a bit easier to take a breath,
At least while you've got it.
Love is like being wrapped up tightly in a blanket,
That's freshly out of the dryer.
It's about already knowing what's there,
And not having to question it.
An unspoken bond that can't be broken.
Without saying a word, you already know that the person you love,
Is already there for you, even if you don't always talk to them about what's bruising your ribs.
To me, love is that unexplainable feeling you get that starts in your chest,
And slowly works its way up your throat, over your tongue, and out between your lips.
That you try so hard to put into words, but none of the words make sense.
Just a jumble of thoughts, that all made sense at one time,
But putting them into words, just doesn't work.
Love is like stepping outside on a crisp fall morning,
And just taking a deep breath, feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, alive.
It's like feeling the warmth of the sun hit your face,
On one of those chilly December afternoons.
Or maybe it's like a cup of hot chocolate, on those same afternoons.
To me, love knows no boundaries, no limits, no set standard.
Love is unconditional, because regardless of what happens,
Because you're always going to hold that love in your heart.
Even if you don't always admit it,
It's still there.
...That's what love is to me, personally.
Love is the feeling you get inside your chest,
Where it tightens up, and you find it hard to breathe.
Or maybe it's a bit easier to take a breath,
At least while you've got it.
Love is like being wrapped up tightly in a blanket,
That's freshly out of the dryer.
It's about already knowing what's there,
And not having to question it.
An unspoken bond that can't be broken.
Without saying a word, you already know that the person you love,
Is already there for you, even if you don't always talk to them about what's bruising your ribs.
To me, love is that unexplainable feeling you get that starts in your chest,
And slowly works its way up your throat, over your tongue, and out between your lips.
That you try so hard to put into words, but none of the words make sense.
Just a jumble of thoughts, that all made sense at one time,
But putting them into words, just doesn't work.
Love is like stepping outside on a crisp fall morning,
And just taking a deep breath, feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, alive.
It's like feeling the warmth of the sun hit your face,
On one of those chilly December afternoons.
Or maybe it's like a cup of hot chocolate, on those same afternoons.
To me, love knows no boundaries, no limits, no set standard.
Love is unconditional, because regardless of what happens,
Because you're always going to hold that love in your heart.
Even if you don't always admit it,
It's still there.
...That's what love is to me, personally.
Friday, September 17, 2010
In the Undertow.
It's a sweet serenade with melodic undertones.
But make sure to keep those feet planted on the ground,
Just to save yourself from the undertow.
I've found my savior,
Planted right in the middle of this crazy thing called life.
The first time we spoke, it's like she came at me with her guns out,
And now?
I'm trying to make her my wife.
Before I met you,
I let myself stop believing.
I even quit dreaming,
But here I am, stuck,
Hoping that I never have to see you leaving.
You gave me twenty questions, and didn't expect a response to any of them.
But I answered every last one, down to the how and the why.
It might not always show through, but it kills me when you're having a bad day,
And I can't be there to tell you; "baby, it'll be okay."
It cuts deeper then any knife every could, when I can't wipe away the tears,
That fall freely from those beautiful eyes on the days you need to cry.
There's no wrong way to say it,
Anytime she drifts into my mind, I can't help but be inspired.
No matter how hectic the scenario becomes,
It's like I can instantly become tranquil.
I never thought something like this would ever transpire.
Now I've just got my back to the world,
And my arms around her.
A queen to the king,
A Bonnie to Clyde.
For once, I feel complete, I feel like it's okay to finally breathe.
I love you.
But make sure to keep those feet planted on the ground,
Just to save yourself from the undertow.
I've found my savior,
Planted right in the middle of this crazy thing called life.
The first time we spoke, it's like she came at me with her guns out,
And now?
I'm trying to make her my wife.
Before I met you,
I let myself stop believing.
I even quit dreaming,
But here I am, stuck,
Hoping that I never have to see you leaving.
You gave me twenty questions, and didn't expect a response to any of them.
But I answered every last one, down to the how and the why.
It might not always show through, but it kills me when you're having a bad day,
And I can't be there to tell you; "baby, it'll be okay."
It cuts deeper then any knife every could, when I can't wipe away the tears,
That fall freely from those beautiful eyes on the days you need to cry.
There's no wrong way to say it,
Anytime she drifts into my mind, I can't help but be inspired.
No matter how hectic the scenario becomes,
It's like I can instantly become tranquil.
I never thought something like this would ever transpire.
Now I've just got my back to the world,
And my arms around her.
A queen to the king,
A Bonnie to Clyde.
For once, I feel complete, I feel like it's okay to finally breathe.
I love you.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
From the Mind, to the Heart....
I've built myself back up, from when I've been destroyed.
But right now?
I'm slowly falling apart,
Starting with my mind,
Slowly working it's way down to my heart.
You can tell the places where I've sewn myself back together,
Because those are my weakest points.
You can see the seams bulge,
You can almost hear the skin ripping.
I can't take this anymore,
I just can't.
So I'm coming out with a white flag waving.
I wish I could just step back,
Take a step back, and take a deep breath.
But it feels like someone's standing on my chest.
When I sit in silence, you can hear a pin drop.
Instead of it being a pin that hits the ground,
It's the sound of this heart cracking slowly.
Everything I ever had to give, I've given..
And now all that I'm left with, is this mess of pieces left at my feet.
I'm losing my mind,
I've already lost my heart.
I'm so lost right now...
I almost feel like I'm trapped in the center of the ocean,
Clinging to a piece of drift wood,
Sharks circling just ten feet below me.
Laying in wait.
Waiting for the perfect time to attack.
God help me,
Because I'm not coming back alive...
But right now?
I'm slowly falling apart,
Starting with my mind,
Slowly working it's way down to my heart.
You can tell the places where I've sewn myself back together,
Because those are my weakest points.
You can see the seams bulge,
You can almost hear the skin ripping.
I can't take this anymore,
I just can't.
So I'm coming out with a white flag waving.
I wish I could just step back,
Take a step back, and take a deep breath.
But it feels like someone's standing on my chest.
When I sit in silence, you can hear a pin drop.
Instead of it being a pin that hits the ground,
It's the sound of this heart cracking slowly.
Everything I ever had to give, I've given..
And now all that I'm left with, is this mess of pieces left at my feet.
I'm losing my mind,
I've already lost my heart.
I'm so lost right now...
I almost feel like I'm trapped in the center of the ocean,
Clinging to a piece of drift wood,
Sharks circling just ten feet below me.
Laying in wait.
Waiting for the perfect time to attack.
God help me,
Because I'm not coming back alive...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
A Bloody Smile.
I'll carry the weight of the world on my back,
Even with these blown out knees.
I'll smile through these cracked lips,
And wink with this black eye.
There is no tomorrow,
And yesterday is just a memory.
So savor the moment you're standing in.
We can't reconcile,
When these wounds will never close.
Look at you, look at me.
Who stands the tallest?
As much as I can feel,
You can actually see the pressure building between my shoulders.
The hours turn to days, days to weeks, weeks into months,
And with every passing day, I'm growing just a bit older.
A heart that was once warm and nourishing, has grown calloused and cold.
But not for you, not for anyone.
For my own protection.
I'm still standing here, though.
Even after you tried to knock me down.
I've bit through my lip, and triggered a reaction to my brain.
The pain is unbearable, but the symbolism is bittersweet.
That's why I'm still smiling, even with a blood soaked face.
Even with these blown out knees.
I'll smile through these cracked lips,
And wink with this black eye.
There is no tomorrow,
And yesterday is just a memory.
So savor the moment you're standing in.
We can't reconcile,
When these wounds will never close.
Look at you, look at me.
Who stands the tallest?
As much as I can feel,
You can actually see the pressure building between my shoulders.
The hours turn to days, days to weeks, weeks into months,
And with every passing day, I'm growing just a bit older.
A heart that was once warm and nourishing, has grown calloused and cold.
But not for you, not for anyone.
For my own protection.
I'm still standing here, though.
Even after you tried to knock me down.
I've bit through my lip, and triggered a reaction to my brain.
The pain is unbearable, but the symbolism is bittersweet.
That's why I'm still smiling, even with a blood soaked face.
Foreign Soil.
Those famous last words that always came back to haunt me,
I've never been given chills, just by simple speech.
Eight letters, three words, one heart.
I drew a line in the sand, and you stepped forward.
First one foot, then the other.
How does it feel standing on foreign soil?
Do you have the right equipment to explore this uncharted territory?
I hope you know how to build a fire that can survive the night,
It gets cold in this place.
I know you have the "know how,"
But do you have the will?
Can you find the passages carved by years of erosion?
The fallen stars will shine light through the holes punctured into the walls.
Is that enough to be your guiding light?
You've come this far,
Now there's no turning back.
You've sent your own place, and found your own way in.
That's something I can never forget,
You're someone I could never forget.
I love you..
I've never been given chills, just by simple speech.
Eight letters, three words, one heart.
I drew a line in the sand, and you stepped forward.
First one foot, then the other.
How does it feel standing on foreign soil?
Do you have the right equipment to explore this uncharted territory?
I hope you know how to build a fire that can survive the night,
It gets cold in this place.
I know you have the "know how,"
But do you have the will?
Can you find the passages carved by years of erosion?
The fallen stars will shine light through the holes punctured into the walls.
Is that enough to be your guiding light?
You've come this far,
Now there's no turning back.
You've sent your own place, and found your own way in.
That's something I can never forget,
You're someone I could never forget.
I love you..
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Waves Break.
The words I spoke flowed freely,
Like the rivers bleeding into the crystal clear springs.
"I love you" never sat on the tip of my tongue,
It always parted my lips without hesitation.
It was never a pretentious feelings,
It's what I felt in my heart,
Even when my mind was screaming run.
When I was at the beach,
I wrote your name in the sand.
And I tried to build the sand castles past where the waves would break,
But no matter where I went, the water would come and wash it away.
Just because you couldn't see it, doesn't mean it was never there.
I've built a mote around your name in my heart,
So the water can't wash it away.
Just because we said goodbye,
Doesn't mean you're forgotten.
You'll remain in my memory,
In my heart.
No matter where you go, or what you do..
Just know, that I'll always love you.
Like the rivers bleeding into the crystal clear springs.
"I love you" never sat on the tip of my tongue,
It always parted my lips without hesitation.
It was never a pretentious feelings,
It's what I felt in my heart,
Even when my mind was screaming run.
When I was at the beach,
I wrote your name in the sand.
And I tried to build the sand castles past where the waves would break,
But no matter where I went, the water would come and wash it away.
Just because you couldn't see it, doesn't mean it was never there.
I've built a mote around your name in my heart,
So the water can't wash it away.
Just because we said goodbye,
Doesn't mean you're forgotten.
You'll remain in my memory,
In my heart.
No matter where you go, or what you do..
Just know, that I'll always love you.
Slipping Through The Hour Glass.
It was a beautiful catastrophe,
A modern day tragic poem.
Scribbled into the book of "Life and Times of.."
A black and white book with a minimal gray area.
The pain bleeds through the pages to stain the cover.
A modern day tragedy filled with comedic relief,
The story of my life.
Heart break.
Heart ache.
Rebuild,
Destroy,
Rebuild.
The sand slips through the hour glass,
Counting down until the end of my existence.
But your existence suffers the same fate.
I sabotage the things I love the most,
Pushing away those closest to me,
While pulling in the things that do the most damage.
Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment,
Cause I'm best friends with the company that loves misery.
A modern day tragic poem.
Scribbled into the book of "Life and Times of.."
A black and white book with a minimal gray area.
The pain bleeds through the pages to stain the cover.
A modern day tragedy filled with comedic relief,
The story of my life.
Heart break.
Heart ache.
Rebuild,
Destroy,
Rebuild.
The sand slips through the hour glass,
Counting down until the end of my existence.
But your existence suffers the same fate.
I sabotage the things I love the most,
Pushing away those closest to me,
While pulling in the things that do the most damage.
Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment,
Cause I'm best friends with the company that loves misery.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Pulling Stars from the Sky..
I'll cast away the shadows that the sun casts across your beautiful face.
I'll cover the bags that hang like a full moon below your eyes.
On those lonely nights you spend by yourself, call me when you need to smile.
I'd pull every last star out of the sky,
If that meant the corners of your lips would turn up towards your eyes.
If there was a single cloud, on the clearest of nights that was blocking the moon,
I'd try my hardest to move it aside,
Just for you.
I'll be there to catch the tears that fall from your eyes,
So we can avoid the summer down-pour.
Don't weep, angel.
While you dance in the street light,
Tethered to that light post..
I'll sneak around in the shadows, and cut those strings.
I've got your halo and your harp tucked away in my backpack.
Come into the shadows, so I can snip the wires holding your wings back.
You need to fly, angel.
Being this close to the ground is no place for someone like you.
Follow me to the clearing in the trees,
Take my hand as I guide you to where you need to be to take flight.
Kiss me under this moonlight, while you spread those wings to fly away.
Any time you need me, any time you want to see me...
...I'll be right here, waiting for you, every night...
I'll cover the bags that hang like a full moon below your eyes.
On those lonely nights you spend by yourself, call me when you need to smile.
I'd pull every last star out of the sky,
If that meant the corners of your lips would turn up towards your eyes.
If there was a single cloud, on the clearest of nights that was blocking the moon,
I'd try my hardest to move it aside,
Just for you.
I'll be there to catch the tears that fall from your eyes,
So we can avoid the summer down-pour.
Don't weep, angel.
While you dance in the street light,
Tethered to that light post..
I'll sneak around in the shadows, and cut those strings.
I've got your halo and your harp tucked away in my backpack.
Come into the shadows, so I can snip the wires holding your wings back.
You need to fly, angel.
Being this close to the ground is no place for someone like you.
Follow me to the clearing in the trees,
Take my hand as I guide you to where you need to be to take flight.
Kiss me under this moonlight, while you spread those wings to fly away.
Any time you need me, any time you want to see me...
...I'll be right here, waiting for you, every night...
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Hip Hop Isn't....
...Dead, it lives on in the fucking underground. So, from the intro, I'm pretty sure you can already guess what this blog is going to be about. I'm writing about fucking HIP HOP, not RAP, REAL FUCKING HIP HOP. I'm also going to add my opinion on what I think is killing the scene, if you will. At least, in my area. I'm gonna start it off with what in my eyes, is killing the hip hop scene....
Where the fuck to even start on this subject? I mean, in my locale, there's so much fucking stupid shit that goes on, that's just turning the scene to shit. I'm gonna break it down into sections, just so it's easier to read, feel me? So, lets start this off the right way...
• Promotion:
If you're going to throw a show, and you want it to do GREAT, not decent, not okay, not "good" but, great? Promote the fuck out of it, anyway you can. Whether it's fliers, word of mouth, social networking sites, the radio, whatever. Just promote the fuck out of it. Combine ways of promoting it. Don't focus on JUST social networking, or JUST word of mouth. Make posters and put them up all over the area. Not just one city. I live in Huron, and I NEVER see any promotion for shows being played in Sandusky. That's fucking weak, man. Get out there, do the leg work, DRAW A CROWD. Hang up posters, go to various stores and leave little 6x10'' or whatever size fliers there for people to pick up. Go to the mall and hand out fliers, while dropping more off in various stores. Hand them to people, then actually talk to them for a minute about what you're doing, why you're doing it, and why they should SHOW UP. And when you DO make posters, remember... the fliers are going to be a lot smaller, so don't fucking overcrowd it. I mean, you don't need to put EVERY artist that's playing the show on the flier. Throw up the most well known names, and add a few local cats. Keep the WHOLE list for the bigger posters. If you have the money, get an advertisement on the radio. Put it in the "events" section of the newspaper. Yeah, it might cost you some money, but you'll get to a wider audience, without actually doing a LOT of work. It's really not THAT hard, man, really. If you want a GREAT turn out, you have to put in work. Yeah, it MIGHT be a lot of work, but it will be well worth it in the end... Okay, that's all I'm gonna say for the promotion aspect of this, onto the next one.
• Artists:
Truthfully, I really don't know where to start on this one. There's so much shit I could/have to say about it. There's just so much bullshit that goes down with a lot of the artists in my area. Okay, so.. to get into it a bit. First off, when putting together a hip hop show, you don't need to have a bill with 20 or 30 fucking artists. That's just excessive, to say the least. Especially when the show starts at say, 9PM, and the bar closes at 2:30AM. That's just fucking stupid. Each artist is going to get what, TWO songs, if that? And that's not even counting the time between artists, either. So you're pushing it. You just don't need THAT many fucking artists, at all. What you NEED to do, is have between five and ten artists, and that's it. And that's if it's just an all local show, with nothing but local cats performing. If you're having a national artist perform, you know they're going to play at LEAST a full album. So that could range anywhere from 40 minutes to 2 hours. It all depends. So if that's the case, five or six opening artists would be PERFECTLY fine, and would fit the time slot fairly well. Because in between artists, you can have a DJ spin for a little bit, 15-20 minutes or so. Let the artist getting ready to go on time to hype himself up, let his DJ [if he has one] get his stuff set up, maybe talk to the crowd, and just let them know who's coming up to rock the stage.
Because that way, the crowd is actually able to get a feel for them, instead of just having the artist throw two songs at them, hope the crowd feels it, then get off stage. I mean, who's going to buy your cd after listening to only two tracks? I wouldn't, unless those were the two best songs I'd ever heard before. So I mean, by having a BUNCH of artists performing, you're actually fucking the artist on potentially making some money. And when you're selecting artists, select them wisely. Because, remember.. people are going to HOPEFULLY remember your show. And if all but one or two artists suck, guess what? People are going to remember that, so when they see you're throwing another show, they probably won't go. Not only that, but they'll probably tell their friends not to go either, because it'll be a waste of money. So in the end, you're losing money, and so are the artists. Also when selecting artists, don't stick to just one "style" so to speak. Don't make every artist be hyper and loud. Switch it up. Not everybody likes all of the same shit. And if you're putting on different types of artists, guess what? You're going to appeal to a bigger audience. So what happens then? The people who were at your show are going to remember that, and then they'll tell their friends about it. So the next show, you'll have a bigger and better turn out. And that's what you want, right? A good turn out, good music, and an all around good time. By having all of that, people are going to be more willing to spend their hard earned money on going to one of your shows, because the last one was a success....
Remember, just be smart when booking artists. Don't just book the first few that come to you and say "hey, I wanna play your show, brah!" Be selective.
------------
I'm going to do this blog in a two or three post series, so stick around and continue to read it, because trust me, I've got a lot more to say. This is just a teaser if you will...TBC.
...And by the way, Ohline & I both say.. "SUCK MY DICK, BITCH!" :D
Respect,
-(J!)
Where the fuck to even start on this subject? I mean, in my locale, there's so much fucking stupid shit that goes on, that's just turning the scene to shit. I'm gonna break it down into sections, just so it's easier to read, feel me? So, lets start this off the right way...
• Promotion:
If you're going to throw a show, and you want it to do GREAT, not decent, not okay, not "good" but, great? Promote the fuck out of it, anyway you can. Whether it's fliers, word of mouth, social networking sites, the radio, whatever. Just promote the fuck out of it. Combine ways of promoting it. Don't focus on JUST social networking, or JUST word of mouth. Make posters and put them up all over the area. Not just one city. I live in Huron, and I NEVER see any promotion for shows being played in Sandusky. That's fucking weak, man. Get out there, do the leg work, DRAW A CROWD. Hang up posters, go to various stores and leave little 6x10'' or whatever size fliers there for people to pick up. Go to the mall and hand out fliers, while dropping more off in various stores. Hand them to people, then actually talk to them for a minute about what you're doing, why you're doing it, and why they should SHOW UP. And when you DO make posters, remember... the fliers are going to be a lot smaller, so don't fucking overcrowd it. I mean, you don't need to put EVERY artist that's playing the show on the flier. Throw up the most well known names, and add a few local cats. Keep the WHOLE list for the bigger posters. If you have the money, get an advertisement on the radio. Put it in the "events" section of the newspaper. Yeah, it might cost you some money, but you'll get to a wider audience, without actually doing a LOT of work. It's really not THAT hard, man, really. If you want a GREAT turn out, you have to put in work. Yeah, it MIGHT be a lot of work, but it will be well worth it in the end... Okay, that's all I'm gonna say for the promotion aspect of this, onto the next one.
• Artists:
Truthfully, I really don't know where to start on this one. There's so much shit I could/have to say about it. There's just so much bullshit that goes down with a lot of the artists in my area. Okay, so.. to get into it a bit. First off, when putting together a hip hop show, you don't need to have a bill with 20 or 30 fucking artists. That's just excessive, to say the least. Especially when the show starts at say, 9PM, and the bar closes at 2:30AM. That's just fucking stupid. Each artist is going to get what, TWO songs, if that? And that's not even counting the time between artists, either. So you're pushing it. You just don't need THAT many fucking artists, at all. What you NEED to do, is have between five and ten artists, and that's it. And that's if it's just an all local show, with nothing but local cats performing. If you're having a national artist perform, you know they're going to play at LEAST a full album. So that could range anywhere from 40 minutes to 2 hours. It all depends. So if that's the case, five or six opening artists would be PERFECTLY fine, and would fit the time slot fairly well. Because in between artists, you can have a DJ spin for a little bit, 15-20 minutes or so. Let the artist getting ready to go on time to hype himself up, let his DJ [if he has one] get his stuff set up, maybe talk to the crowd, and just let them know who's coming up to rock the stage.
Because that way, the crowd is actually able to get a feel for them, instead of just having the artist throw two songs at them, hope the crowd feels it, then get off stage. I mean, who's going to buy your cd after listening to only two tracks? I wouldn't, unless those were the two best songs I'd ever heard before. So I mean, by having a BUNCH of artists performing, you're actually fucking the artist on potentially making some money. And when you're selecting artists, select them wisely. Because, remember.. people are going to HOPEFULLY remember your show. And if all but one or two artists suck, guess what? People are going to remember that, so when they see you're throwing another show, they probably won't go. Not only that, but they'll probably tell their friends not to go either, because it'll be a waste of money. So in the end, you're losing money, and so are the artists. Also when selecting artists, don't stick to just one "style" so to speak. Don't make every artist be hyper and loud. Switch it up. Not everybody likes all of the same shit. And if you're putting on different types of artists, guess what? You're going to appeal to a bigger audience. So what happens then? The people who were at your show are going to remember that, and then they'll tell their friends about it. So the next show, you'll have a bigger and better turn out. And that's what you want, right? A good turn out, good music, and an all around good time. By having all of that, people are going to be more willing to spend their hard earned money on going to one of your shows, because the last one was a success....
Remember, just be smart when booking artists. Don't just book the first few that come to you and say "hey, I wanna play your show, brah!" Be selective.
------------
I'm going to do this blog in a two or three post series, so stick around and continue to read it, because trust me, I've got a lot more to say. This is just a teaser if you will...TBC.
...And by the way, Ohline & I both say.. "SUCK MY DICK, BITCH!" :D
Respect,
-(J!)
Monday, August 9, 2010
Die Hard.
Give me back those memories.
Those tears, the fears, the love,
The hurt, the anger, the sadness.
All of the good, and especially the bad.
But most of all, give me back the heart you tore from my chest.
Give it back, and I'll do the rest.
I'll destroy and rebuild.
I need a new foundation to build upon.
We no longer speak, and I'm fine with that,
Because I really don't have anything to say,
Other than "good luck."
But that doesn't mean much, not coming from me.
The same way it doesn't mean much, coming from you.
I picked up some bad habits, just to try and recover.
Heroin, pills, booze, women, black outs and late nights.
But the worst of em all, was believing you.
The late night excursions couldn't cover that up,
Withdrawal lasted well over a year.
But here I am, free and clear.
I might have that needle in my arm from time to time still,
But the memory of you is gone with the wind.
Old habits die hard.
Those tears, the fears, the love,
The hurt, the anger, the sadness.
All of the good, and especially the bad.
But most of all, give me back the heart you tore from my chest.
Give it back, and I'll do the rest.
I'll destroy and rebuild.
I need a new foundation to build upon.
We no longer speak, and I'm fine with that,
Because I really don't have anything to say,
Other than "good luck."
But that doesn't mean much, not coming from me.
The same way it doesn't mean much, coming from you.
I picked up some bad habits, just to try and recover.
Heroin, pills, booze, women, black outs and late nights.
But the worst of em all, was believing you.
The late night excursions couldn't cover that up,
Withdrawal lasted well over a year.
But here I am, free and clear.
I might have that needle in my arm from time to time still,
But the memory of you is gone with the wind.
Old habits die hard.
White Knuckled.
Somethings are better left unsaid.
But when those words start parting your lips,
There's no turning back.
Lips pealed back in anger,
Heart pulse rising,
Anger flushing through your veins.
I've got a white knuckle grip on what used to bind me to you.
I'm tearing them apart at the seams.
Sometimes, memories are better left for dead.
Leave them in the depths of your memory,
Where they can't just simply take over your mind.
Flush them out of your system,
The way you would cold turkey kick your heroin habit.
The damage that's been done, simply cannot be repaired.
But you can rebuild a new foundation with the correct cover ups.
Love lost can never be regained,
You can rebuild, but it'll never be the same.
But just like the people you know,
Everything will die sooner or later.
But when those words start parting your lips,
There's no turning back.
Lips pealed back in anger,
Heart pulse rising,
Anger flushing through your veins.
I've got a white knuckle grip on what used to bind me to you.
I'm tearing them apart at the seams.
Sometimes, memories are better left for dead.
Leave them in the depths of your memory,
Where they can't just simply take over your mind.
Flush them out of your system,
The way you would cold turkey kick your heroin habit.
The damage that's been done, simply cannot be repaired.
But you can rebuild a new foundation with the correct cover ups.
Love lost can never be regained,
You can rebuild, but it'll never be the same.
But just like the people you know,
Everything will die sooner or later.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Rebuild.
There's more behind this skin.
More than what you see.
More than blood, muscles, tendons and ligaments.
Something I only let a select few see.
A heart that's been broken more than once,
And pieced back together by the fragments left behind.
You can't extinguish this flame.
It's burning bright now,
Then it ever has.
Just because I've been kicked while I'm down,
Doesn't mean I'm completely out.
Just because I'm not the center of attention for the moment,
Doesn't mean I'm not standing in the shadows.
Observing.
Don't worry though,
I'll be back in a big way.
Undergoing an operation to piece me back together,
Forming something new from the fragments left behind.
The good, the bad, the happy, the sad.
The tragic moments that froze time,
And those amazing moments that stole my breath.
While the worst of the worst is left behind to burn.
Set ablaze in my memory.
I'm being rebuilt, piece by piece.
Stitch by stitch.
Just to come back stronger than I've ever been.
Mind and body.
Love and life.
More than what you see.
More than blood, muscles, tendons and ligaments.
Something I only let a select few see.
A heart that's been broken more than once,
And pieced back together by the fragments left behind.
You can't extinguish this flame.
It's burning bright now,
Then it ever has.
Just because I've been kicked while I'm down,
Doesn't mean I'm completely out.
Just because I'm not the center of attention for the moment,
Doesn't mean I'm not standing in the shadows.
Observing.
Don't worry though,
I'll be back in a big way.
Undergoing an operation to piece me back together,
Forming something new from the fragments left behind.
The good, the bad, the happy, the sad.
The tragic moments that froze time,
And those amazing moments that stole my breath.
While the worst of the worst is left behind to burn.
Set ablaze in my memory.
I'm being rebuilt, piece by piece.
Stitch by stitch.
Just to come back stronger than I've ever been.
Mind and body.
Love and life.
One Night Stand.
It used to be a game.
I'd fuck you just for the notch,
Not the emotional investment.
A belt lined with one night stands.
Most of the time,
I wouldn't even remember your name by the end of the night.
I'd be gone before the sun rose,
And the scent of coffee filled the air.
Just another notch,
Another memory that I barely remember.
The scent of sex doesn't linger for too long,
Especially when you move onto the next.
One night stands and too much to drink.
That's the way it was.
You were lucky if I even gave you my real name,
Or my real number.
And when you'd see me at the bar again,
I'd act like we never met.
But for one night, I gave you heaven.
Then you went through hell.
A smile and a drink,
Maybe a wink from across the bar.
That's all it ever took.
That's all it ever took for you to be added to the list.
You weren't a name,
Just a number.
Just another memory,
Just another notch.
I'd fuck you just for the notch,
Not the emotional investment.
A belt lined with one night stands.
Most of the time,
I wouldn't even remember your name by the end of the night.
I'd be gone before the sun rose,
And the scent of coffee filled the air.
Just another notch,
Another memory that I barely remember.
The scent of sex doesn't linger for too long,
Especially when you move onto the next.
One night stands and too much to drink.
That's the way it was.
You were lucky if I even gave you my real name,
Or my real number.
And when you'd see me at the bar again,
I'd act like we never met.
But for one night, I gave you heaven.
Then you went through hell.
A smile and a drink,
Maybe a wink from across the bar.
That's all it ever took.
That's all it ever took for you to be added to the list.
You weren't a name,
Just a number.
Just another memory,
Just another notch.
Looking Back...
I'm staring down that tunnel.
The tunnel of what I once was.
I couldn't see the light for a long time.
Not when I was standing at the dark end.
But now that I'm standing in the light,
Looking back on those dark days.
I'm glad I went through them.
I'm glad I had to walk through the thunder storms.
The tornado-like winds.
The monsoon like down pours.
It's made me who I am today,
And I wouldn't change that for the world.
I've met a lot of amazing people,
And even said goodbye to those I considered family.
It never gets easier to say goodbye, though.
I learned that the hard way.
The numbness still has a hold on me,
But I'm beginning to regain the feeling.
It took me some time, but I've finally learned,
If you can't let go, you can't grow.
Now I'm in my prime,
Growing to new heights.
I'm done fighting this war I was waging,
The war-everlasting.
It's time to let go of all of that negativity that once clouded my mind and my heart.
With a lick of the finger, I'm turning the page.
Picking up the pen, and with a few words scribbled down,
I've got a brand new start....
The tunnel of what I once was.
I couldn't see the light for a long time.
Not when I was standing at the dark end.
But now that I'm standing in the light,
Looking back on those dark days.
I'm glad I went through them.
I'm glad I had to walk through the thunder storms.
The tornado-like winds.
The monsoon like down pours.
It's made me who I am today,
And I wouldn't change that for the world.
I've met a lot of amazing people,
And even said goodbye to those I considered family.
It never gets easier to say goodbye, though.
I learned that the hard way.
The numbness still has a hold on me,
But I'm beginning to regain the feeling.
It took me some time, but I've finally learned,
If you can't let go, you can't grow.
Now I'm in my prime,
Growing to new heights.
I'm done fighting this war I was waging,
The war-everlasting.
It's time to let go of all of that negativity that once clouded my mind and my heart.
With a lick of the finger, I'm turning the page.
Picking up the pen, and with a few words scribbled down,
I've got a brand new start....
Empty Void.
Knees to my chest,
Hands in my face.
I'm searching for something to fill this void.
Nothing's working.
The drugs, the alcohol, the women,
The long nights with no recolection of what really happend.
I'm still left searching for something to hold onto.
Something to hold to my chest and call my own.
With all my might, I'm trying to fight back these tears.
But they're pushing their way through.
Creating their own path,
The one less traveled.
My mind's a mess from the substance abuse.
And my heart's a disaster from the emotional abuse.
I'm lost with no direction to follow.
Which way is up? Down?
I can't get a baring on where I'm going.
So I'm just sitting still,
Waiting for something.
ANYTHING.
Maybe one day, I'll find something to plug this hole in my chest.
Until then, I'll keep searching for something to fill this void...
Hands in my face.
I'm searching for something to fill this void.
Nothing's working.
The drugs, the alcohol, the women,
The long nights with no recolection of what really happend.
I'm still left searching for something to hold onto.
Something to hold to my chest and call my own.
With all my might, I'm trying to fight back these tears.
But they're pushing their way through.
Creating their own path,
The one less traveled.
My mind's a mess from the substance abuse.
And my heart's a disaster from the emotional abuse.
I'm lost with no direction to follow.
Which way is up? Down?
I can't get a baring on where I'm going.
So I'm just sitting still,
Waiting for something.
ANYTHING.
Maybe one day, I'll find something to plug this hole in my chest.
Until then, I'll keep searching for something to fill this void...
Music is my Religion.
Man, honestly. Thank God for music, seriously. If I'm having a shitty day? I turn on some music. If I have a good day? I turn on some music. I guess you could say music is my "religion" in a way. It helps me deal with so much shit in my life. Everything from friends dying, to breaking up with girls. It doesn't matter. Because at one point or another, I can relate to the music. Granted, most of the shit I relate to is this like, dark, hateful, angry, just "FUCK YOU" music. But, it is what it is, right? Any day, to calm myself down, all I have to do is throw on some music and pick up my notebook. If I do that, maybe I won't slaughter someone on any given day. Because I sure as fuck would like to. But, it is what it is, ya know? Fuck it. I'm gonna post up a bunch of new shit that I've wrote lately in some other posts. But for now, I just wanted to write.
Respect,
-J.
Respect,
-J.
Friday, August 6, 2010
No reasons.
You know, I often sit here and wonder what the fuck is the point of having feelings, emotions, all of that bullshit? 98% of the time, it just doesn't even seem worth it to me, really. I mean, it's the same routine, every time. Catch feelings, date, fall, break-up, become even more bitter. Like, what the fuck? Really? How hard is it to be genuine with feelings anymore? I mean, I understand we're in a new "era" so to speak, but fuck. This shit is fucking ridiculous.
I mean, really. Can someone tell me what the fucking point of it is? I don't see one. Yet people still ask me all the time, "why don't you really show emotions?" Because, what's the fucking point? Why the fuck should I make myself feel vulnerable for NOTHING? There's no reason to, at all. There's just no point for me to make certain feelings known at all. It just results in me getting hurt, like usual. So fuck it, you know? I mean, it is what it is. Maybe there are still some genuine people out there, but who the fuck knows. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here.
Respect,
-(J!)
I mean, really. Can someone tell me what the fucking point of it is? I don't see one. Yet people still ask me all the time, "why don't you really show emotions?" Because, what's the fucking point? Why the fuck should I make myself feel vulnerable for NOTHING? There's no reason to, at all. There's just no point for me to make certain feelings known at all. It just results in me getting hurt, like usual. So fuck it, you know? I mean, it is what it is. Maybe there are still some genuine people out there, but who the fuck knows. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here.
Respect,
-(J!)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Is This Heaven?
I've got my supplies laid out in front of me.
Syringe, filter, cooker, lighter, tourniquet, water, spoon, heroin.
With the spoon held steady, I'll drop in the dope.
Hit it with a splash of water, then stir with the plunger.
With a quick heat, it boils for a second.
Drop in the cotton, insert needle to pull in the amber liquid.
I'll tie off just above my left elbow.
The veins plump up, and away we go.
I hit my vein on the first go, as I pull back the plunger,
A shot of blood shoots into the barrel.
Success.
Slowly pushing down, I can already feel it coursing through my veins.
No more bad days, no more memories, everything is numb, I can no longer feel the pain.
As I pull the needle out, I close my eyes.
If this is anything close to heaven,
I can't wait to die.
With my eyes half closed, I fish a cigarette out of my pack.
As I try to put it to my lips, my arms feel like they're heavier than cement.
But I manage.
With my flame to the cigarette, I inhale deeply.
Holding it in, just for a bit.
Slowly exhaling the blue tinted smoke in a slow thin stream.
I try to keep my eyes open, but at this very moment, that's not even possible.
Slowly slipping into the depths of unconsciousness.
Only to awaken a few minutes later, to the cherry burning my leg.
Another pair of shorts fallen victim.
Right now, there's nothing else in the world that could compare...
As I keep my eyes open, I begin to prep another shot..
Come one, come all.
All of the kids into the pool.
Heroin, water, heat, cotton, all in the spoon..
I'm on my second shot already, and it's not even noon...
Syringe, filter, cooker, lighter, tourniquet, water, spoon, heroin.
With the spoon held steady, I'll drop in the dope.
Hit it with a splash of water, then stir with the plunger.
With a quick heat, it boils for a second.
Drop in the cotton, insert needle to pull in the amber liquid.
I'll tie off just above my left elbow.
The veins plump up, and away we go.
I hit my vein on the first go, as I pull back the plunger,
A shot of blood shoots into the barrel.
Success.
Slowly pushing down, I can already feel it coursing through my veins.
No more bad days, no more memories, everything is numb, I can no longer feel the pain.
As I pull the needle out, I close my eyes.
If this is anything close to heaven,
I can't wait to die.
With my eyes half closed, I fish a cigarette out of my pack.
As I try to put it to my lips, my arms feel like they're heavier than cement.
But I manage.
With my flame to the cigarette, I inhale deeply.
Holding it in, just for a bit.
Slowly exhaling the blue tinted smoke in a slow thin stream.
I try to keep my eyes open, but at this very moment, that's not even possible.
Slowly slipping into the depths of unconsciousness.
Only to awaken a few minutes later, to the cherry burning my leg.
Another pair of shorts fallen victim.
Right now, there's nothing else in the world that could compare...
As I keep my eyes open, I begin to prep another shot..
Come one, come all.
All of the kids into the pool.
Heroin, water, heat, cotton, all in the spoon..
I'm on my second shot already, and it's not even noon...
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Forgive Me...
A split tongue with bitter words.
A new meaning to this thing called life.
I'm looking in, reaching out.
But this time, the silence is golden.
I used to scream out her name,
Now, I slur words of spite.
I used to be crawling in my own skin,
Searching for a way out.
But, I've grown used to the way it feels,
To wear a suit that's two sizes too big.
Tailored to fit what I once thought I knew.
But I've abandoned all I knew, before this era.
I've said my prayers,
And marked the cross, across my chest.
Forgive me, Father...
I've found a way to let the words flow,
And the actions quickly follow suit.
I've turned this into a sin,
But you're the one living in regret.
It's time to wipe this taste off of my lips.
The weight has finally been lifted,
After all of these years...
A new meaning to this thing called life.
I'm looking in, reaching out.
But this time, the silence is golden.
I used to scream out her name,
Now, I slur words of spite.
I used to be crawling in my own skin,
Searching for a way out.
But, I've grown used to the way it feels,
To wear a suit that's two sizes too big.
Tailored to fit what I once thought I knew.
But I've abandoned all I knew, before this era.
I've said my prayers,
And marked the cross, across my chest.
Forgive me, Father...
I've found a way to let the words flow,
And the actions quickly follow suit.
I've turned this into a sin,
But you're the one living in regret.
It's time to wipe this taste off of my lips.
The weight has finally been lifted,
After all of these years...
Friday, June 11, 2010
Book of Life.
I thought that saying goodbye for good,
Would be one of the hardest things I'd ever have to do.
But it wasn't.
It came easy, almost too easy.
I thought I would be sad, maybe I'd even shed a tear.
But quite the opposite happened, actually.
I smiled.
And maybe you are right,
I am better off without you.
Because now, it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my chest.
I breathe freely now.
The times were good,
The memories great.
But now, my book of life is starting a new chapter.
And this chapter, or any future chapters just don't involve you.
Now, you're just my past, where you'll always remain.
I'll lose you like an old photograph on a dusty shelf.
But before I go, I'll say this...
...Goodbye, love.
Would be one of the hardest things I'd ever have to do.
But it wasn't.
It came easy, almost too easy.
I thought I would be sad, maybe I'd even shed a tear.
But quite the opposite happened, actually.
I smiled.
And maybe you are right,
I am better off without you.
Because now, it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my chest.
I breathe freely now.
The times were good,
The memories great.
But now, my book of life is starting a new chapter.
And this chapter, or any future chapters just don't involve you.
Now, you're just my past, where you'll always remain.
I'll lose you like an old photograph on a dusty shelf.
But before I go, I'll say this...
...Goodbye, love.
Friday, May 14, 2010
My Mistress, with Anxiety Issues...
If I taste your sin...
..Will you show me how to consume souls?
Can you desensitize me enough, to be able to stare into someones eyes...
Capture their heart,
And then destroy them?
Because I would love to learn.
So I can be just like you.
Do you stare into their eyes, as they struggle and plea?
I bet you smile, as you inhale their last breath.
Don't you?
What's it like...
To watch someone seize?
To suffer, sweat, choke, cry?
Does it feel good, mistress?
Do you only destroy, because you've been destroyed before?
Or, is there some underlying issue?
Honestly, though.
I think you enjoy the thrill of the hunt,
More than the pleasure of the kill.
Now.... I understand why you take so many pills, to cope, to sleep...
Oh, baby.
How I pray that you never wake up.
..Will you show me how to consume souls?
Can you desensitize me enough, to be able to stare into someones eyes...
Capture their heart,
And then destroy them?
Because I would love to learn.
So I can be just like you.
Do you stare into their eyes, as they struggle and plea?
I bet you smile, as you inhale their last breath.
Don't you?
What's it like...
To watch someone seize?
To suffer, sweat, choke, cry?
Does it feel good, mistress?
Do you only destroy, because you've been destroyed before?
Or, is there some underlying issue?
Honestly, though.
I think you enjoy the thrill of the hunt,
More than the pleasure of the kill.
Now.... I understand why you take so many pills, to cope, to sleep...
Oh, baby.
How I pray that you never wake up.
Big City Dreams, Small Town Suicide.
She kissed him goodbye, and headed off to the big city.
At least, that's what her friends, family, and boyfriend thought.
As soon as she got in, and started her car, she couldn't fit the tears anymore.
Because she know where she was going.
And what she was about to do.
When she said goodbye, it was the last time they'd ever see her again.
The night before, while she was home alone...
She snuck into her fathers room, and took one of his shotguns down to her car..
She only took one shell.
Nobody knows her intentions, but she knows that she won't be returning.
She's arrived at her destination, a forest an hour away from her home...
As she opened the trunk to remove the gun, she also took out her photographs.
She took thirteen steps, to a specific spot she chose.
Her tears are flowing freely, as she tucks the gun under her chin.
Methodically, she goes over her photos, kissing each one of them goodbye...
Once she got to the last one, she smiled, and as she leaned in to ki---
Nobody will ever know why.
But may she rest in paradise...
Goodbye, angel.
At least, that's what her friends, family, and boyfriend thought.
As soon as she got in, and started her car, she couldn't fit the tears anymore.
Because she know where she was going.
And what she was about to do.
When she said goodbye, it was the last time they'd ever see her again.
The night before, while she was home alone...
She snuck into her fathers room, and took one of his shotguns down to her car..
She only took one shell.
Nobody knows her intentions, but she knows that she won't be returning.
She's arrived at her destination, a forest an hour away from her home...
As she opened the trunk to remove the gun, she also took out her photographs.
She took thirteen steps, to a specific spot she chose.
Her tears are flowing freely, as she tucks the gun under her chin.
Methodically, she goes over her photos, kissing each one of them goodbye...
Once she got to the last one, she smiled, and as she leaned in to ki---
Nobody will ever know why.
But may she rest in paradise...
Goodbye, angel.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Classified - Breaking Up.
[Intro: Sample with Female Singer]
How can I give you, what you're asking for?
Oh baby
When the feeling is gone (when the feeling is gone)
[Verse 1: Classified]
It's been a while since we last conversated, still can't believe we never made it
Lookin back at the way it was, high school love, both of us embraced it
Let me take it back a bit, to the place where the whole story starts
Before we ever had a clue or even knew, how hard relationships are
We was in the same class and I, use to try to make her laugh, then I
Tried to take it farther then a friend, but she just a little hesistant
It took longer then I thought, yeah I'll admit it, but I stayed patient
Was a lot like the music game, never had the skills but I had the motivation
Then in Grade 12, hooked up, became officially involved
I got the lady I've been waitin on, you could say the the mystery is solved
I graduated that year but never left, stayed another one
Told my parents I was upgradin, really I was waitin for you to be done
After that, moved to the big city, got a small place together
Slept, lived, drank, ate together, but it made it hard for us to stay together
Life is oh so unexpected, shouldn't have, the good and bad
Now I'm lookin back at it all, these are problems a man and woman have
[Chorus: Chad Hatcher (Kaleigh Cole) - w/ ad libs]
She says that I should leave, she says I should go
She don't understand, all I've been waitin for is everything {is everything}
For something {for something}, to change {change}
(But I think that I should stay, things could be the same
It's just me and you, with no one to blame
But you don't see {but you don't see}
It's only me {it's only me}, that would change) {changeee}
How can I give you, what you're asking for, ohhhh baby
When that feeling is gone
[Verse 2: Classified]
So after about a year or so, a lot of bickerin and fightin came
Everything we had together, fell apart slow, never seemed worth the pain
More hatin then there was lovin, both arguin about nothin
Neither one of apologize, I guess the two of us were too stubborn
Still lived together though, though decided maybe we should take a break
I never really wanted that, I just wanted change, that was my mistake
I never thought we would break up, never thought I'd find another like her
But I was still thinkin we'd get back together and these loose ends would become tighter
But no way, no luck, threw the towel in, we broke up
I moved out, choked up, depressed every day I woke up
Found out she had another man and this is when it really hit home
Fuck I lost everything I had and I ain't the type who likes to be alone
Now I'm tryin to move along and I felt it difficult to stay strong
But dark days always brighten up, if the fight in ya keeps movin on
A couple months after all of this, I bumped into another girl I knew
Had a couple dates in high school, a type of girl you don't forget, simply beautiful
We talked for a little bit, we took some time out and reminisced
And I forgot about my dark days, she taught me heartbreak can lead to happiness
When I was down and had no faith, she showed me everything is okay
My soul mate, I never would of thought a break up could end so great
[Chorus: w/ ad libs]
[Outro: Sample with Female Singer]
How can I give you, what you're asking for?
Oh, let's go our separate ways, oh baby
How can I give you, what you're asking for?
Oh baby
When the feeling is gone (when the feeling is gone)
[Verse 1: Classified]
It's been a while since we last conversated, still can't believe we never made it
Lookin back at the way it was, high school love, both of us embraced it
Let me take it back a bit, to the place where the whole story starts
Before we ever had a clue or even knew, how hard relationships are
We was in the same class and I, use to try to make her laugh, then I
Tried to take it farther then a friend, but she just a little hesistant
It took longer then I thought, yeah I'll admit it, but I stayed patient
Was a lot like the music game, never had the skills but I had the motivation
Then in Grade 12, hooked up, became officially involved
I got the lady I've been waitin on, you could say the the mystery is solved
I graduated that year but never left, stayed another one
Told my parents I was upgradin, really I was waitin for you to be done
After that, moved to the big city, got a small place together
Slept, lived, drank, ate together, but it made it hard for us to stay together
Life is oh so unexpected, shouldn't have, the good and bad
Now I'm lookin back at it all, these are problems a man and woman have
[Chorus: Chad Hatcher (Kaleigh Cole) - w/ ad libs]
She says that I should leave, she says I should go
She don't understand, all I've been waitin for is everything {is everything}
For something {for something}, to change {change}
(But I think that I should stay, things could be the same
It's just me and you, with no one to blame
But you don't see {but you don't see}
It's only me {it's only me}, that would change) {changeee}
How can I give you, what you're asking for, ohhhh baby
When that feeling is gone
[Verse 2: Classified]
So after about a year or so, a lot of bickerin and fightin came
Everything we had together, fell apart slow, never seemed worth the pain
More hatin then there was lovin, both arguin about nothin
Neither one of apologize, I guess the two of us were too stubborn
Still lived together though, though decided maybe we should take a break
I never really wanted that, I just wanted change, that was my mistake
I never thought we would break up, never thought I'd find another like her
But I was still thinkin we'd get back together and these loose ends would become tighter
But no way, no luck, threw the towel in, we broke up
I moved out, choked up, depressed every day I woke up
Found out she had another man and this is when it really hit home
Fuck I lost everything I had and I ain't the type who likes to be alone
Now I'm tryin to move along and I felt it difficult to stay strong
But dark days always brighten up, if the fight in ya keeps movin on
A couple months after all of this, I bumped into another girl I knew
Had a couple dates in high school, a type of girl you don't forget, simply beautiful
We talked for a little bit, we took some time out and reminisced
And I forgot about my dark days, she taught me heartbreak can lead to happiness
When I was down and had no faith, she showed me everything is okay
My soul mate, I never would of thought a break up could end so great
[Chorus: w/ ad libs]
[Outro: Sample with Female Singer]
How can I give you, what you're asking for?
Oh, let's go our separate ways, oh baby
Monday, May 10, 2010
Emmure - I Thought You Met Telly & Turned Me Into Casper
I'm probably the worst fuck you ever had
I apologize the best I can
How could you not understand?
That you shut me out when you let him in
(I want you cumming inside me)
Oh god
Oh my god this can't be happening
Why me?
Oh why me?
Tell me was he worth it?
I just want you to know
That you're the reason I got tested
And because of you I'm at the clinic hoping, praying
Please God
Let me be negative
7 years bad luck
A never ending gift
From the filth you fucked
(I want you cumming inside me)
Why? Why me?
I apologize the best I can
How could you not understand?
That you shut me out when you let him in
(I want you cumming inside me)
Oh god
Oh my god this can't be happening
Why me?
Oh why me?
Tell me was he worth it?
I just want you to know
That you're the reason I got tested
And because of you I'm at the clinic hoping, praying
Please God
Let me be negative
7 years bad luck
A never ending gift
From the filth you fucked
(I want you cumming inside me)
Why? Why me?
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Man, what else can I say? The photo speaks for itself, right? I FINALLY got my knuckles done. I've only been wanting them since, oh, I first started getting tattooed. Eight years ago. But, I said fuck it, and finally got the shit done. I'm super stoked on it. Robin did such an amazing job, I honestly couldn't ask for anything more. I expected it to look good, but the way she made them look? WAY better than I ever expected, straight up. I was going back and forth between black/green or black/blue. So, I let Robin's wife decide the color, and she chose blue. Well, we chose teal. A BRIGHT colored teal. And what can I say, it looks fucking DOPE! I'm so stoked on it. I've got an appointment set up for May 7th as well, to get a cover up piece going. I'm having Rob do that, though. It should be fucking EPIC! But anyways, when Robin uploads the photos she took, I'll also post them up. Y'all stay safe out there..
Respect,
-(J!)
Oh yeah, here's a photo of afterwords, being completely done. I know it's shitty lighting, but, you can make it out. I'll have new ones uploaded soon, I hope. Like I said above. :)
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Incubus - Love Hurts.
Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast to truth
(I don't want to lose what I had as a boy.)
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat.
(As common as a cold day in LA.)
Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?
Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.
I'm fettered and abused,
I stand naked and accused
(Should I surface this one man submarine?)
I only want the truth
So tonight we drink to youth!
(I'll never lose what I had as a boy.)
Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?
Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.
--------
Such an ill fucking song. So good. Y'all need to check it out, for real. In all of it's mellow-melodic goodness!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxPcmi1U25g
Meh.
I'm half tempted to just throw in the towel, ya know? I've been fighting for so long, and I've not accomplished anything worthwhile. What's the fucking point, really? Fuck. I just don't even know anymore.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Through Rays.
The sun shines a beautiful site.
Even when the rain's coming down.
I watch the rays of the sun,
Burst through the horizon.
Does that mean better days are ahead?
It's almost like looking through a stained glass window.
But not quite as beautiful.
Blockhead - Music By Cavelight.
01. Hello Popartz
02. You`ve Got Maelstrom
03. Carnivores United
04. Sunday Seance
05. A Better Place
06. Road Rage Breakdown
07. Triptych Pt. 1
08. Triptych Pt. 2
09. Triptych Pt. 3
10. Jet Son
11. Cavelight
12. Breath And Start
13. Bullfight In Ireland
14. Insomniac Olympics
http://www.mediafire.com/?4tmrr5wynze
-------
Where to fucking start? Seriously. Blockhead is such an amazing producer. So, I felt the need to post up some of his shit, for y'all to check out. He's done a LOT of work with Definitive Jux, mainly Aesop Rock. But none the less, his shit is ill. And in my opinion, underrated as fuck. A lot of people don't take the time to check out his solo work, which is ill as fuck. So, I'm bringing it straight to y'all, with no bullshit. Direct download, full tracklist, album art, ALL OF IT. I bring the goods, son. That's just how I roll. All right, so y'all check it out. And if you want more, I can always provide the goods, nah'mean? Stay good, y'all.
Respect,
-J.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Senses Fail - Steven.
(Goodbye X3)
November 10th,
A cold dark night
You could feel that something wasn't right.
That night many hearts did cry.
When we learned we had to say goodbye.
All embraced under one common song
the body is dead but life lives on. (X2)
Good-bye Steven. Good-bye dear friend.
You were so young. (x2)
Good-bye Steven. Good-bye dear friend.
You were so young.
The Cars lined the streets, as it was coming to an end.
The sun shined so brightly the day we buried our friend.
All embraced under one common song
the body is dead but life lives on. (X2)
Good-bye Steven. Good-bye dear friend.
You were so young. (x2)
Good-bye Steven. Good-bye dear friend.
You were so young.(x2)
Losing in the fall, lost innocence came down
An 18 year old boy was buried in the ground.
A family's broken hearts, a friend's streaming tears.
The light lost in death, the living's growing fears.
Of Eternal darkness or is it spiritual light to come with terms with death on the darkest night.
A brother lost a friend, a friend lost a friend, a mother lost a son, but steven's soul will never end.
(You were so young)
(A brother lost a brother, a friend lost a friend, a mother lost a son, but steven's soul will never end.)
(Good-bye)
(You were so young)
(A brother lost a brother, a friend lost a friend, a mother lost a son, but steven's soul will never end.)
(Good-bye)
(You were so young)
(A brother lost a brother, a friend lost a friend, a mother lost a son, but steven's soul will never end.)
(Good-bye)
(whispered)
November 10th , a cold dark night
You could feel that something wasn't right.
That night many hearts did cry
When we learned we had to say goodbye, say goodbye
goodbye
___________________
I miss you, man. Straight up. Every day, I think about you in one way or another. Sometimes, I even try to call you, knowing full well that I can't. It's been almost two years, and I'm still not accepting. I still don't believe it. I'll drive past your house, and think of stopping by. But I can't. It kills me, man. I hope you're resting in paradise now. No problems, no worries, all the weed you can smoke, and all the ass you could want. But don't worry, I'll see you again sometime bro. Please believe. And when I do, the first round is on me, and I'll have the blunt already rolled.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Examine This..
This isn't for the faint of heart.
This is a battle scene.
Some will understand what went on,
But others will just wonder why.
And I wish I had an answer.
I wish I could tell them.
But I don't know myself.
All I know,
Is a bomb went off here.
It left me in tact,
But it took my heart.
Surrounded in a pool of blood,
With a gaping wound in my chest.
How did this happen?
Where did I go wrong?
None of that matters now, though.
Emotionless.
Cold.
I'll sew the wound shut myself,
With a dull needle, and black thread.
Forever scarred,
Forever torn.
But you can already see that in my eyes.
You could see that before this disaster, though.
Some would call it a blessing.
Because then they won't ever have to suffer.
But I call it a nightmare.
I'll leave this bloody heap for you to examine.
Maybe you can tell me where I went wrong,
Love.
Save Yourself.
Put your lips to mine,
While you tie my hands behind my back.
Kiss my collar bone,
While you slip the noose around my neck.
Kiss down my stomach...
While you kick the chair out from under my feet.
I knew what was going on.
But you notice I didn't resist.
Whisper my name,
While I exhale my last breath.
I've wrote this note before,
So just leave it on the night stand.
Nobody will have to know our little secret.
You won't be punished, angel.
Just pretend you found me this way.
I'm glad you wore your white gloves, though.
There won't be any trace of you.
Except for your scent.
And the taste of your life on my lips.
But they'll have no reason to test.
No autopsy.
Suicide by asphyxiation.
At least, that's how they'll read it.
When it was really,
Murder by love.
One lover murders another.
But it'll be our little secret, angel.
I just hope you can save yourself.
The Ending Brings A New Beginning.
There's something deep inside of my chest.
It's just fighting to get out.
But I doubt I'll ever have the chance to unleash it.
And to be quite honest,
I'm afraid to.
Because I don't know what I'm capable of.
And that's what scares me.
It should scare you, too.
But I believe that I'm damaged beyond repair.
There's no fixing this.
There's no letting go.
Not even if I wanted to.
I wish I could, though.
Maybe then I'd be humble.
Maybe then, I'd be a decent person.
But we all know that's not possible.
So with the barrel of this gun pressed to my chest.
I'll make a hole big enough to let what I feel drain.
Drain out, like the life that leaves a person when they take their last breath.
This isn't a suicide,
Or a suicide note.
It's a new beginning,
A new book that needs to be wrote...
Inside of my Eyelids.
I'll close my eyes,
And dream of the day I see you again.
But I've been stuck in this nightmare,
For far too long.
Will I ever have that part of me back?
Or am I holding onto something that slipped through my fingers,
A long time ago?
Only time will tell.
But time is slowly running out.
Like the grains of sand,
Through an hour glass.
I've painted sunny days,
With a view of the lake,
On the inside of my eyelids.
Because that's what reminds me of better days.
Days when life was good.
Honestly, though.
I haven't seen that scene in so long..
That I don't remember what the reality looks like.
If I give you my hand, will you lead me to the lake?
Will you show me what those sunny days really feel like?
Maybe that's all it's meant to be though.
A memory.
Even though I don't have it now...
At least I can look back on the photos,
And crack that grin you loved so much.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
What Happened.....?
.....To real lyricism? Seriously. I mean, where did it go? Do people not care about lyricism, or flow, or any of the basics, when it comes to good music? Now, I don't listen to the radio, or watch MTV videos, at all. But, I have caught tid-bits of songs here and there, and it just amazes me at how much people like this shit. I mean, I can understand liking club bangers, because it's something you can dance to. But outside of the club, why the fuck would you listen to it? I just don't get it, at all.
Now all of this, is just my opinion. But I'm so sick of hearing the same corny bullshit, from ever "rapper" out there. Bling, guns, hoes, cars, etc. It gets old, quick. In my opinion, people should make music that others can relate to. And well, lets face it. 90% of the people listening to that shit, can not relate to it. If you're rapping about some shit that goes down in the ghetto, then okay. People can relate to that. Because millions of people struggle in the ghettos all throughout the United States. But usually, everything these "rappers" rap about, is just a gimmick. A ploy to get people interested, and it's nothing more. But the worse part about all of this, is that most of them don't even have any talent. Other than being annoying as fuck. I mean, if you count that as a talent.
.... But honestly. People really should evaluate what they think music is, and what it's about. Before trying to start some argument about what or who's better. Because when it comes to comparing "styles," there's no comparing. Period. You can't compare 50cent to say, Esoteric. It's no contest, at all. If you enjoy the club music, then cool. Do your thing. It's what you like, stick with it. But don't come at me, or any true hip hop head with a "top ten" list. Because most of the time, the artists we list.... You've never even heard of. So why would you even try and compare them?
I just wish more artists that respect music, would just quit. Because they're not doing anything worth while. Are they selling millions of records? Yeah, for sure. But, it's not because they're overflowing with talent, that's for sure. Are there some decent mainstream artists? Yeah, there are. But the only one that really comes to mind, is Lupe Fiasco. Nobody else really just pops into my mind. Well, except for the Gym Class Heroes. And with that said, I know people are going to be like "But Jest, what about Common?" Yeah, what about him? When he went as "Common Sense," he was ill. But when he changed his name, his music started changing as well, and in my opinion... not for the better. But, that's just my opinion. It is what it is, pretty much.
I don't know, this is all just my opinion. So if you don't like it, blow me. I'll contribute more to this later. It's hard to keep my eyes open right now. Peace, y'all.
Respect,
-Jest.
Out of Place.
I'm standing in the rain,
Searching for shelter.
But it all seems to be taken.
I found one spot, but I saw a mother & daughter looking there as well.
So I waved them on, "go ahead, you need it more than I do."
I'll continue on with my journey.
Where I'm headed to, I'm not quite sure.
But when I find the place, I'll know it.
Somewhere deep in my mind, though.
I'm hoping you'll be there as well.
Let Me Introduce You...
Let me introduce you to one of my good homies. His name... is Dylan Ross. And I know what you're already asking. "Why do I care about this kid?" Well, that's what I'm going to tell you. He's an emcee, and a dope one at that. Not only that, but he's repping Ohio. So major props. Now, at first glance, you would never think that this kid was an emcee. At all. You'd just be like "wait, what? what's going on here?" But all of that changes, as soon as you hear him rhyme. Not only is he a dope emcee, but he's also an amazing producer. Now, I know this is all just speculation, and my opinion. But fuck it. This is my blog. He's got an album that's basically done getting ready to come out, it just needs to be mastered. So, with his permission granted, I'm going to upload two tracks from his upcoming album titled "Mint," which is dropping this year. 2010. He's just a kid who loves hip hop, and dedicates a lot, if not most of his time to producing his own beats, then destroying them. Here are two sample tracks for y'all to listen to.
Mint: http://www.zshare.net/audio/73007563cce4e94e/
Jewtiful: http://www.zshare.net/audio/7300767944c66ce7/
So there you have it. Two tracks of jazzy, mellow, downtempo-esque, hip hop goodness. All for your enjoyment. If you'd like to hear more, go on over to his MySpace page and check it out. You can find him here... "www.myspace.com/ilovedylanross". Leave him some love, he'll appreciate it.
Not only is he an ill produce/emcee, he's also got a nice feature on his album "Mint," with the one and only, Moka Only. Now if you're a fan, I know you'll be stoked, I am. So, with that said. Y'all need to go check him out some more if you like what you hear on this page. And for those of you who dig TRUE hip hop... You'll enjoy it. And who knows, maybe some of those who don't enjoy hip hop at all will find some enjoyment out of it. Only way to know? Is to go check it out. All right, y'all. I'm out this piece, peace.
Respect,
-Jest.
Monday, February 22, 2010
10:24AM/11:34PM. (abstract take-o
It's 10:24AM, and I still haven't slept.
My doors are locked.
The blinds are drawn.
I'm buried in the blankets.
It feels like I'm losing control.
If I extend my hand...
...Will you be on the other side?
Yeah, I didn't think you would be.
And that's all I want.
To see you smile,
Just one last time.
To feel your kiss,
Your touch,
Your love,
Your pain...
I'd give it all up.
For ten minutes.
It's 11:34PM.
And the day is coming to a close.
Will you arrive before the game is over with?
.....I can only pray.
(Are the times just that? And nothing... out of the ordinary? Or do they have a meaning, that runs deeper than our blood? I hope you can figure out what they mean. Add some zero's if you need to. It'll all make sense.)
A&F+3
"I saw your face... (and relapsed.)"
Can you see what I'm hiding?
What I'm hiding behind these eyelids?
I'm covering the scars.
The regrets,
The resent.
I've been holding back for so many years.
I don't think I know how to let go.
For awhile, I thought I was making progress.
Until I saw your face.
And I relapsed.
But it wasn't in person.
It was in a dream.
It's not like that matters though.
I'm shaking inside.
Shaken to the core.
But you'd never know.
Unless I decided to tell you.
Unless I decided to tell you.
But you know me,
Better than I know myself.
And you know I won't talk.
And I'm sorry for that.
Two nights ago,
I saw your face again.
It was the same dream as before.
You stand in the spot-light.
....The street light.
The reflection of light, is almost angelic.
If you can help me smile,
I'll help you get your wings.
Can we fly away tonight?
Just you and I?
.....I love you, angel.
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