The words I spoke flowed freely,
Like the rivers bleeding into the crystal clear springs.
"I love you" never sat on the tip of my tongue,
It always parted my lips without hesitation.
It was never a pretentious feelings,
It's what I felt in my heart,
Even when my mind was screaming run.
When I was at the beach,
I wrote your name in the sand.
And I tried to build the sand castles past where the waves would break,
But no matter where I went, the water would come and wash it away.
Just because you couldn't see it, doesn't mean it was never there.
I've built a mote around your name in my heart,
So the water can't wash it away.
Just because we said goodbye,
Doesn't mean you're forgotten.
You'll remain in my memory,
In my heart.
No matter where you go, or what you do..
Just know, that I'll always love you.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Slipping Through The Hour Glass.
It was a beautiful catastrophe,
A modern day tragic poem.
Scribbled into the book of "Life and Times of.."
A black and white book with a minimal gray area.
The pain bleeds through the pages to stain the cover.
A modern day tragedy filled with comedic relief,
The story of my life.
Heart break.
Heart ache.
Rebuild,
Destroy,
Rebuild.
The sand slips through the hour glass,
Counting down until the end of my existence.
But your existence suffers the same fate.
I sabotage the things I love the most,
Pushing away those closest to me,
While pulling in the things that do the most damage.
Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment,
Cause I'm best friends with the company that loves misery.
A modern day tragic poem.
Scribbled into the book of "Life and Times of.."
A black and white book with a minimal gray area.
The pain bleeds through the pages to stain the cover.
A modern day tragedy filled with comedic relief,
The story of my life.
Heart break.
Heart ache.
Rebuild,
Destroy,
Rebuild.
The sand slips through the hour glass,
Counting down until the end of my existence.
But your existence suffers the same fate.
I sabotage the things I love the most,
Pushing away those closest to me,
While pulling in the things that do the most damage.
Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment,
Cause I'm best friends with the company that loves misery.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Pulling Stars from the Sky..
I'll cast away the shadows that the sun casts across your beautiful face.
I'll cover the bags that hang like a full moon below your eyes.
On those lonely nights you spend by yourself, call me when you need to smile.
I'd pull every last star out of the sky,
If that meant the corners of your lips would turn up towards your eyes.
If there was a single cloud, on the clearest of nights that was blocking the moon,
I'd try my hardest to move it aside,
Just for you.
I'll be there to catch the tears that fall from your eyes,
So we can avoid the summer down-pour.
Don't weep, angel.
While you dance in the street light,
Tethered to that light post..
I'll sneak around in the shadows, and cut those strings.
I've got your halo and your harp tucked away in my backpack.
Come into the shadows, so I can snip the wires holding your wings back.
You need to fly, angel.
Being this close to the ground is no place for someone like you.
Follow me to the clearing in the trees,
Take my hand as I guide you to where you need to be to take flight.
Kiss me under this moonlight, while you spread those wings to fly away.
Any time you need me, any time you want to see me...
...I'll be right here, waiting for you, every night...
I'll cover the bags that hang like a full moon below your eyes.
On those lonely nights you spend by yourself, call me when you need to smile.
I'd pull every last star out of the sky,
If that meant the corners of your lips would turn up towards your eyes.
If there was a single cloud, on the clearest of nights that was blocking the moon,
I'd try my hardest to move it aside,
Just for you.
I'll be there to catch the tears that fall from your eyes,
So we can avoid the summer down-pour.
Don't weep, angel.
While you dance in the street light,
Tethered to that light post..
I'll sneak around in the shadows, and cut those strings.
I've got your halo and your harp tucked away in my backpack.
Come into the shadows, so I can snip the wires holding your wings back.
You need to fly, angel.
Being this close to the ground is no place for someone like you.
Follow me to the clearing in the trees,
Take my hand as I guide you to where you need to be to take flight.
Kiss me under this moonlight, while you spread those wings to fly away.
Any time you need me, any time you want to see me...
...I'll be right here, waiting for you, every night...
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Hip Hop Isn't....
...Dead, it lives on in the fucking underground. So, from the intro, I'm pretty sure you can already guess what this blog is going to be about. I'm writing about fucking HIP HOP, not RAP, REAL FUCKING HIP HOP. I'm also going to add my opinion on what I think is killing the scene, if you will. At least, in my area. I'm gonna start it off with what in my eyes, is killing the hip hop scene....
Where the fuck to even start on this subject? I mean, in my locale, there's so much fucking stupid shit that goes on, that's just turning the scene to shit. I'm gonna break it down into sections, just so it's easier to read, feel me? So, lets start this off the right way...
• Promotion:
If you're going to throw a show, and you want it to do GREAT, not decent, not okay, not "good" but, great? Promote the fuck out of it, anyway you can. Whether it's fliers, word of mouth, social networking sites, the radio, whatever. Just promote the fuck out of it. Combine ways of promoting it. Don't focus on JUST social networking, or JUST word of mouth. Make posters and put them up all over the area. Not just one city. I live in Huron, and I NEVER see any promotion for shows being played in Sandusky. That's fucking weak, man. Get out there, do the leg work, DRAW A CROWD. Hang up posters, go to various stores and leave little 6x10'' or whatever size fliers there for people to pick up. Go to the mall and hand out fliers, while dropping more off in various stores. Hand them to people, then actually talk to them for a minute about what you're doing, why you're doing it, and why they should SHOW UP. And when you DO make posters, remember... the fliers are going to be a lot smaller, so don't fucking overcrowd it. I mean, you don't need to put EVERY artist that's playing the show on the flier. Throw up the most well known names, and add a few local cats. Keep the WHOLE list for the bigger posters. If you have the money, get an advertisement on the radio. Put it in the "events" section of the newspaper. Yeah, it might cost you some money, but you'll get to a wider audience, without actually doing a LOT of work. It's really not THAT hard, man, really. If you want a GREAT turn out, you have to put in work. Yeah, it MIGHT be a lot of work, but it will be well worth it in the end... Okay, that's all I'm gonna say for the promotion aspect of this, onto the next one.
• Artists:
Truthfully, I really don't know where to start on this one. There's so much shit I could/have to say about it. There's just so much bullshit that goes down with a lot of the artists in my area. Okay, so.. to get into it a bit. First off, when putting together a hip hop show, you don't need to have a bill with 20 or 30 fucking artists. That's just excessive, to say the least. Especially when the show starts at say, 9PM, and the bar closes at 2:30AM. That's just fucking stupid. Each artist is going to get what, TWO songs, if that? And that's not even counting the time between artists, either. So you're pushing it. You just don't need THAT many fucking artists, at all. What you NEED to do, is have between five and ten artists, and that's it. And that's if it's just an all local show, with nothing but local cats performing. If you're having a national artist perform, you know they're going to play at LEAST a full album. So that could range anywhere from 40 minutes to 2 hours. It all depends. So if that's the case, five or six opening artists would be PERFECTLY fine, and would fit the time slot fairly well. Because in between artists, you can have a DJ spin for a little bit, 15-20 minutes or so. Let the artist getting ready to go on time to hype himself up, let his DJ [if he has one] get his stuff set up, maybe talk to the crowd, and just let them know who's coming up to rock the stage.
Because that way, the crowd is actually able to get a feel for them, instead of just having the artist throw two songs at them, hope the crowd feels it, then get off stage. I mean, who's going to buy your cd after listening to only two tracks? I wouldn't, unless those were the two best songs I'd ever heard before. So I mean, by having a BUNCH of artists performing, you're actually fucking the artist on potentially making some money. And when you're selecting artists, select them wisely. Because, remember.. people are going to HOPEFULLY remember your show. And if all but one or two artists suck, guess what? People are going to remember that, so when they see you're throwing another show, they probably won't go. Not only that, but they'll probably tell their friends not to go either, because it'll be a waste of money. So in the end, you're losing money, and so are the artists. Also when selecting artists, don't stick to just one "style" so to speak. Don't make every artist be hyper and loud. Switch it up. Not everybody likes all of the same shit. And if you're putting on different types of artists, guess what? You're going to appeal to a bigger audience. So what happens then? The people who were at your show are going to remember that, and then they'll tell their friends about it. So the next show, you'll have a bigger and better turn out. And that's what you want, right? A good turn out, good music, and an all around good time. By having all of that, people are going to be more willing to spend their hard earned money on going to one of your shows, because the last one was a success....
Remember, just be smart when booking artists. Don't just book the first few that come to you and say "hey, I wanna play your show, brah!" Be selective.
------------
I'm going to do this blog in a two or three post series, so stick around and continue to read it, because trust me, I've got a lot more to say. This is just a teaser if you will...TBC.
...And by the way, Ohline & I both say.. "SUCK MY DICK, BITCH!" :D
Respect,
-(J!)
Where the fuck to even start on this subject? I mean, in my locale, there's so much fucking stupid shit that goes on, that's just turning the scene to shit. I'm gonna break it down into sections, just so it's easier to read, feel me? So, lets start this off the right way...
• Promotion:
If you're going to throw a show, and you want it to do GREAT, not decent, not okay, not "good" but, great? Promote the fuck out of it, anyway you can. Whether it's fliers, word of mouth, social networking sites, the radio, whatever. Just promote the fuck out of it. Combine ways of promoting it. Don't focus on JUST social networking, or JUST word of mouth. Make posters and put them up all over the area. Not just one city. I live in Huron, and I NEVER see any promotion for shows being played in Sandusky. That's fucking weak, man. Get out there, do the leg work, DRAW A CROWD. Hang up posters, go to various stores and leave little 6x10'' or whatever size fliers there for people to pick up. Go to the mall and hand out fliers, while dropping more off in various stores. Hand them to people, then actually talk to them for a minute about what you're doing, why you're doing it, and why they should SHOW UP. And when you DO make posters, remember... the fliers are going to be a lot smaller, so don't fucking overcrowd it. I mean, you don't need to put EVERY artist that's playing the show on the flier. Throw up the most well known names, and add a few local cats. Keep the WHOLE list for the bigger posters. If you have the money, get an advertisement on the radio. Put it in the "events" section of the newspaper. Yeah, it might cost you some money, but you'll get to a wider audience, without actually doing a LOT of work. It's really not THAT hard, man, really. If you want a GREAT turn out, you have to put in work. Yeah, it MIGHT be a lot of work, but it will be well worth it in the end... Okay, that's all I'm gonna say for the promotion aspect of this, onto the next one.
• Artists:
Truthfully, I really don't know where to start on this one. There's so much shit I could/have to say about it. There's just so much bullshit that goes down with a lot of the artists in my area. Okay, so.. to get into it a bit. First off, when putting together a hip hop show, you don't need to have a bill with 20 or 30 fucking artists. That's just excessive, to say the least. Especially when the show starts at say, 9PM, and the bar closes at 2:30AM. That's just fucking stupid. Each artist is going to get what, TWO songs, if that? And that's not even counting the time between artists, either. So you're pushing it. You just don't need THAT many fucking artists, at all. What you NEED to do, is have between five and ten artists, and that's it. And that's if it's just an all local show, with nothing but local cats performing. If you're having a national artist perform, you know they're going to play at LEAST a full album. So that could range anywhere from 40 minutes to 2 hours. It all depends. So if that's the case, five or six opening artists would be PERFECTLY fine, and would fit the time slot fairly well. Because in between artists, you can have a DJ spin for a little bit, 15-20 minutes or so. Let the artist getting ready to go on time to hype himself up, let his DJ [if he has one] get his stuff set up, maybe talk to the crowd, and just let them know who's coming up to rock the stage.
Because that way, the crowd is actually able to get a feel for them, instead of just having the artist throw two songs at them, hope the crowd feels it, then get off stage. I mean, who's going to buy your cd after listening to only two tracks? I wouldn't, unless those were the two best songs I'd ever heard before. So I mean, by having a BUNCH of artists performing, you're actually fucking the artist on potentially making some money. And when you're selecting artists, select them wisely. Because, remember.. people are going to HOPEFULLY remember your show. And if all but one or two artists suck, guess what? People are going to remember that, so when they see you're throwing another show, they probably won't go. Not only that, but they'll probably tell their friends not to go either, because it'll be a waste of money. So in the end, you're losing money, and so are the artists. Also when selecting artists, don't stick to just one "style" so to speak. Don't make every artist be hyper and loud. Switch it up. Not everybody likes all of the same shit. And if you're putting on different types of artists, guess what? You're going to appeal to a bigger audience. So what happens then? The people who were at your show are going to remember that, and then they'll tell their friends about it. So the next show, you'll have a bigger and better turn out. And that's what you want, right? A good turn out, good music, and an all around good time. By having all of that, people are going to be more willing to spend their hard earned money on going to one of your shows, because the last one was a success....
Remember, just be smart when booking artists. Don't just book the first few that come to you and say "hey, I wanna play your show, brah!" Be selective.
------------
I'm going to do this blog in a two or three post series, so stick around and continue to read it, because trust me, I've got a lot more to say. This is just a teaser if you will...TBC.
...And by the way, Ohline & I both say.. "SUCK MY DICK, BITCH!" :D
Respect,
-(J!)
Monday, August 9, 2010
Die Hard.
Give me back those memories.
Those tears, the fears, the love,
The hurt, the anger, the sadness.
All of the good, and especially the bad.
But most of all, give me back the heart you tore from my chest.
Give it back, and I'll do the rest.
I'll destroy and rebuild.
I need a new foundation to build upon.
We no longer speak, and I'm fine with that,
Because I really don't have anything to say,
Other than "good luck."
But that doesn't mean much, not coming from me.
The same way it doesn't mean much, coming from you.
I picked up some bad habits, just to try and recover.
Heroin, pills, booze, women, black outs and late nights.
But the worst of em all, was believing you.
The late night excursions couldn't cover that up,
Withdrawal lasted well over a year.
But here I am, free and clear.
I might have that needle in my arm from time to time still,
But the memory of you is gone with the wind.
Old habits die hard.
Those tears, the fears, the love,
The hurt, the anger, the sadness.
All of the good, and especially the bad.
But most of all, give me back the heart you tore from my chest.
Give it back, and I'll do the rest.
I'll destroy and rebuild.
I need a new foundation to build upon.
We no longer speak, and I'm fine with that,
Because I really don't have anything to say,
Other than "good luck."
But that doesn't mean much, not coming from me.
The same way it doesn't mean much, coming from you.
I picked up some bad habits, just to try and recover.
Heroin, pills, booze, women, black outs and late nights.
But the worst of em all, was believing you.
The late night excursions couldn't cover that up,
Withdrawal lasted well over a year.
But here I am, free and clear.
I might have that needle in my arm from time to time still,
But the memory of you is gone with the wind.
Old habits die hard.
White Knuckled.
Somethings are better left unsaid.
But when those words start parting your lips,
There's no turning back.
Lips pealed back in anger,
Heart pulse rising,
Anger flushing through your veins.
I've got a white knuckle grip on what used to bind me to you.
I'm tearing them apart at the seams.
Sometimes, memories are better left for dead.
Leave them in the depths of your memory,
Where they can't just simply take over your mind.
Flush them out of your system,
The way you would cold turkey kick your heroin habit.
The damage that's been done, simply cannot be repaired.
But you can rebuild a new foundation with the correct cover ups.
Love lost can never be regained,
You can rebuild, but it'll never be the same.
But just like the people you know,
Everything will die sooner or later.
But when those words start parting your lips,
There's no turning back.
Lips pealed back in anger,
Heart pulse rising,
Anger flushing through your veins.
I've got a white knuckle grip on what used to bind me to you.
I'm tearing them apart at the seams.
Sometimes, memories are better left for dead.
Leave them in the depths of your memory,
Where they can't just simply take over your mind.
Flush them out of your system,
The way you would cold turkey kick your heroin habit.
The damage that's been done, simply cannot be repaired.
But you can rebuild a new foundation with the correct cover ups.
Love lost can never be regained,
You can rebuild, but it'll never be the same.
But just like the people you know,
Everything will die sooner or later.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Rebuild.
There's more behind this skin.
More than what you see.
More than blood, muscles, tendons and ligaments.
Something I only let a select few see.
A heart that's been broken more than once,
And pieced back together by the fragments left behind.
You can't extinguish this flame.
It's burning bright now,
Then it ever has.
Just because I've been kicked while I'm down,
Doesn't mean I'm completely out.
Just because I'm not the center of attention for the moment,
Doesn't mean I'm not standing in the shadows.
Observing.
Don't worry though,
I'll be back in a big way.
Undergoing an operation to piece me back together,
Forming something new from the fragments left behind.
The good, the bad, the happy, the sad.
The tragic moments that froze time,
And those amazing moments that stole my breath.
While the worst of the worst is left behind to burn.
Set ablaze in my memory.
I'm being rebuilt, piece by piece.
Stitch by stitch.
Just to come back stronger than I've ever been.
Mind and body.
Love and life.
More than what you see.
More than blood, muscles, tendons and ligaments.
Something I only let a select few see.
A heart that's been broken more than once,
And pieced back together by the fragments left behind.
You can't extinguish this flame.
It's burning bright now,
Then it ever has.
Just because I've been kicked while I'm down,
Doesn't mean I'm completely out.
Just because I'm not the center of attention for the moment,
Doesn't mean I'm not standing in the shadows.
Observing.
Don't worry though,
I'll be back in a big way.
Undergoing an operation to piece me back together,
Forming something new from the fragments left behind.
The good, the bad, the happy, the sad.
The tragic moments that froze time,
And those amazing moments that stole my breath.
While the worst of the worst is left behind to burn.
Set ablaze in my memory.
I'm being rebuilt, piece by piece.
Stitch by stitch.
Just to come back stronger than I've ever been.
Mind and body.
Love and life.
One Night Stand.
It used to be a game.
I'd fuck you just for the notch,
Not the emotional investment.
A belt lined with one night stands.
Most of the time,
I wouldn't even remember your name by the end of the night.
I'd be gone before the sun rose,
And the scent of coffee filled the air.
Just another notch,
Another memory that I barely remember.
The scent of sex doesn't linger for too long,
Especially when you move onto the next.
One night stands and too much to drink.
That's the way it was.
You were lucky if I even gave you my real name,
Or my real number.
And when you'd see me at the bar again,
I'd act like we never met.
But for one night, I gave you heaven.
Then you went through hell.
A smile and a drink,
Maybe a wink from across the bar.
That's all it ever took.
That's all it ever took for you to be added to the list.
You weren't a name,
Just a number.
Just another memory,
Just another notch.
I'd fuck you just for the notch,
Not the emotional investment.
A belt lined with one night stands.
Most of the time,
I wouldn't even remember your name by the end of the night.
I'd be gone before the sun rose,
And the scent of coffee filled the air.
Just another notch,
Another memory that I barely remember.
The scent of sex doesn't linger for too long,
Especially when you move onto the next.
One night stands and too much to drink.
That's the way it was.
You were lucky if I even gave you my real name,
Or my real number.
And when you'd see me at the bar again,
I'd act like we never met.
But for one night, I gave you heaven.
Then you went through hell.
A smile and a drink,
Maybe a wink from across the bar.
That's all it ever took.
That's all it ever took for you to be added to the list.
You weren't a name,
Just a number.
Just another memory,
Just another notch.
Looking Back...
I'm staring down that tunnel.
The tunnel of what I once was.
I couldn't see the light for a long time.
Not when I was standing at the dark end.
But now that I'm standing in the light,
Looking back on those dark days.
I'm glad I went through them.
I'm glad I had to walk through the thunder storms.
The tornado-like winds.
The monsoon like down pours.
It's made me who I am today,
And I wouldn't change that for the world.
I've met a lot of amazing people,
And even said goodbye to those I considered family.
It never gets easier to say goodbye, though.
I learned that the hard way.
The numbness still has a hold on me,
But I'm beginning to regain the feeling.
It took me some time, but I've finally learned,
If you can't let go, you can't grow.
Now I'm in my prime,
Growing to new heights.
I'm done fighting this war I was waging,
The war-everlasting.
It's time to let go of all of that negativity that once clouded my mind and my heart.
With a lick of the finger, I'm turning the page.
Picking up the pen, and with a few words scribbled down,
I've got a brand new start....
The tunnel of what I once was.
I couldn't see the light for a long time.
Not when I was standing at the dark end.
But now that I'm standing in the light,
Looking back on those dark days.
I'm glad I went through them.
I'm glad I had to walk through the thunder storms.
The tornado-like winds.
The monsoon like down pours.
It's made me who I am today,
And I wouldn't change that for the world.
I've met a lot of amazing people,
And even said goodbye to those I considered family.
It never gets easier to say goodbye, though.
I learned that the hard way.
The numbness still has a hold on me,
But I'm beginning to regain the feeling.
It took me some time, but I've finally learned,
If you can't let go, you can't grow.
Now I'm in my prime,
Growing to new heights.
I'm done fighting this war I was waging,
The war-everlasting.
It's time to let go of all of that negativity that once clouded my mind and my heart.
With a lick of the finger, I'm turning the page.
Picking up the pen, and with a few words scribbled down,
I've got a brand new start....
Empty Void.
Knees to my chest,
Hands in my face.
I'm searching for something to fill this void.
Nothing's working.
The drugs, the alcohol, the women,
The long nights with no recolection of what really happend.
I'm still left searching for something to hold onto.
Something to hold to my chest and call my own.
With all my might, I'm trying to fight back these tears.
But they're pushing their way through.
Creating their own path,
The one less traveled.
My mind's a mess from the substance abuse.
And my heart's a disaster from the emotional abuse.
I'm lost with no direction to follow.
Which way is up? Down?
I can't get a baring on where I'm going.
So I'm just sitting still,
Waiting for something.
ANYTHING.
Maybe one day, I'll find something to plug this hole in my chest.
Until then, I'll keep searching for something to fill this void...
Hands in my face.
I'm searching for something to fill this void.
Nothing's working.
The drugs, the alcohol, the women,
The long nights with no recolection of what really happend.
I'm still left searching for something to hold onto.
Something to hold to my chest and call my own.
With all my might, I'm trying to fight back these tears.
But they're pushing their way through.
Creating their own path,
The one less traveled.
My mind's a mess from the substance abuse.
And my heart's a disaster from the emotional abuse.
I'm lost with no direction to follow.
Which way is up? Down?
I can't get a baring on where I'm going.
So I'm just sitting still,
Waiting for something.
ANYTHING.
Maybe one day, I'll find something to plug this hole in my chest.
Until then, I'll keep searching for something to fill this void...
Music is my Religion.
Man, honestly. Thank God for music, seriously. If I'm having a shitty day? I turn on some music. If I have a good day? I turn on some music. I guess you could say music is my "religion" in a way. It helps me deal with so much shit in my life. Everything from friends dying, to breaking up with girls. It doesn't matter. Because at one point or another, I can relate to the music. Granted, most of the shit I relate to is this like, dark, hateful, angry, just "FUCK YOU" music. But, it is what it is, right? Any day, to calm myself down, all I have to do is throw on some music and pick up my notebook. If I do that, maybe I won't slaughter someone on any given day. Because I sure as fuck would like to. But, it is what it is, ya know? Fuck it. I'm gonna post up a bunch of new shit that I've wrote lately in some other posts. But for now, I just wanted to write.
Respect,
-J.
Respect,
-J.
Friday, August 6, 2010
No reasons.
You know, I often sit here and wonder what the fuck is the point of having feelings, emotions, all of that bullshit? 98% of the time, it just doesn't even seem worth it to me, really. I mean, it's the same routine, every time. Catch feelings, date, fall, break-up, become even more bitter. Like, what the fuck? Really? How hard is it to be genuine with feelings anymore? I mean, I understand we're in a new "era" so to speak, but fuck. This shit is fucking ridiculous.
I mean, really. Can someone tell me what the fucking point of it is? I don't see one. Yet people still ask me all the time, "why don't you really show emotions?" Because, what's the fucking point? Why the fuck should I make myself feel vulnerable for NOTHING? There's no reason to, at all. There's just no point for me to make certain feelings known at all. It just results in me getting hurt, like usual. So fuck it, you know? I mean, it is what it is. Maybe there are still some genuine people out there, but who the fuck knows. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here.
Respect,
-(J!)
I mean, really. Can someone tell me what the fucking point of it is? I don't see one. Yet people still ask me all the time, "why don't you really show emotions?" Because, what's the fucking point? Why the fuck should I make myself feel vulnerable for NOTHING? There's no reason to, at all. There's just no point for me to make certain feelings known at all. It just results in me getting hurt, like usual. So fuck it, you know? I mean, it is what it is. Maybe there are still some genuine people out there, but who the fuck knows. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here.
Respect,
-(J!)
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